Maybe We Made A Mistake

Probably the biggest decision Linda and I made before we got married was whether or not to have kids. For those that don't know us, we decided not to. And I say we but really it was Linda's decision. My position was if we have them, great, and if we don't, that's great too. Neither of us has any regrets on that decision.

However, one of the by products of not having kids is that, while we had plenty of dogs, we never learned parenting skills first hand. Sure we had our friends who had them and we were there as they raised them, mostly step by step at their sides. Of course we didn't have the stress, anger, or frustration that goes along with raising them when they are yours, but we vicariously shared in their emotional turmoil's.

I always have said that by not having kids we never really had to grow up and be an adult, and that was a good thing. We enjoyed the mostly living free of being childless. Yes we had dogs but for most of our lives we had Linda's mom living with us who was able to take care of them when we travelled. When she passed away a couple of years ago that all changed for us, but luckily we don't travel like we used to.

Where it has been an issue, the not being a parent saga, has been when our mothers got old and needed to be taken care of. One of the reasons we moved to the desert was to be closer to my mom. We already had Doris living with us, and we were taking care of her, but my mom being 2000 miles away meant flying back and forth a few times a year to help out once my dad passed away. We decided it would just be easier if she was five miles away instead, so we packed up and moved out here.

I have to say we were not prepared for the amount of work, stress, and frustration we have encountered taking care of them. We are now down to just one but that doesn't mean the workload has decreased accordingly. If anything it may have increased as my mom gets older. She will be 95 in November and she is a piece of work.

Everything she needs, wants, and does eventually ends in an argument between us over something decidedly stupid. I have zero patience when she digs her heels in and refuses to do what needs to be done, or what the doctors tell her to do. It's like she is a four year old.

Lately she has been feeling run down so I took her to our doctor who told her what she needed to do and she promptly did none of them. A month later she complained about being even more tired so back we went to the doctor who has now got her running through a series of tests and seeing specialists and her response is to lash out at each of them. She loves to tell them that she has never been sick and that they don't know what they are doing.

She doesn't want to take the tests or see the specialists but then complains that they aren't making her feel better, and didn't she tell me they are no good. I not so politely tell her to clam up and do what they tell her to do or I will take her to the middle of the desert and let the coyotes solve her problems.

This little aged ball of trouble adds another level of frustration to our lives. Ellie will be 19 next month and she has forgotten how to go relieve herself outside 80% of the time. We end up cleaning up after her 2-3 times a day, minimum, every day. My favorite is when she pees on the carpet five seconds after being outside and doing nothing. It's like she wants us to kill her. I have slightly more patience with her because I know she barely knows what is going on so I cut her some slack but believe me, after the third accident of the day that starts to wear out too.

I remind myself each day how thankful I am that we never had kids because clearly I do not have the make up to be a parent. I fear I would have beat them daily because I was frustrated that they didn't do what they should have done and I hate myself for even thinking I would be that horrible.

People say that you can never prepare to be a caregiver for your parents, and to cut myself some slack, but man I get frustrated and angry easily with my mom and our dog and I hate that I get that way. Maybe we should have had kids so that we could deal with all this easier.