Ever since Covid hit we've all been reading stories about people losing their minds on airplanes. As bad as travel was before it has now gotten out of control and as a long time traveler I am happy to share the do's and don'ts of flying.
These are my top five things to avoid if you want yours, and everyone else's, travel experience to be safe and pleasant. They are simple things and even the most idiotic among us can follow these. If you are guilty of doing anything on this list, stop it immediately or you may end up in some major trouble as airlines are serious about their no bullshit policies now.
Number one on my list, keep your shoes and socks on during the flight. Nobody want to see, or smell, your feet. Besides being rude it is so unhealthy I can't even begin to tell you. When you have been on as many flights as I have, and have seen what ends up on the floors of airplanes, you would never take off your shoes. If you think they are cleaning the floors regularly, think again.
Also, and I cannot stress this enough, never put your feet on, or near, the seat, armrest, or wall of another passenger. Why do you think that some stranger wants your bare, dirty, smelly feet in their area? If you try it with me you will not have a good day, I will guarantee you that upfront.
Second on this list is keeping your kids under control. I will share with you something that no one wants to tell you, nobody likes your kids as much as you do. We don't think they are cute when they are kicking the back of our seat and we don't feel sorry for you when they are screaming bloody murder for two hours.
If you can't keep them under control then leave them at home. I had several experiences with kids out of control on flights and I was not shy about telling the parents to get them under control. Once, while the parents were sleeping and the little girl was kicking my seat I turned to her and told her if she didn't stop I would open her window and toss her out. That solved the problem.
Third on the do not do list is hogging all the space around you. Nobody wants your legs in their seat space, or your arms on all the armrests, or your head on their shoulder, or anything else that invades their tiny seat space. If you are too big for the seat, buy two, otherwise stay in your own area and out of others.
In addition, when you know are flying that day, please take a shower and brush your teeth. There is nothing more nauseating than sitting next to a smelly person for the length of a flight. Also, if you know you are flying the next day avoid garlic the night before because it is seeping out of you even if you can't smell it yourself.
Fourth today, although this could be a top two item, learn how to store your overhead luggage. This is the correct way to do it, not throwing them up there sideways, or on their backs. Everyone else wants to get theirs onboard also so please be polite and do it the right way.
I will say that the infrequent traveler doesn't know how to store stuff, but in my experience the worst offenders are the business travelers who think they own the airlines. I cannot say how many times , but it is in the hundreds, I have seen a businessperson toss up a small briefcase that would easily fit under their seat in front of them and the next person has no room for their suitcase. Put the briefcase under the seat in front of you, you asswipe.
Finally, and this just seems like I wouldn't even have to say it, but sit in your assigned seat and stop asking me to move so that you can sit next to your friend, wife, child, or whomever you need to sit next to. You should have done what everyone else on the plane did, pick out your seats when you made the reservations.
Asking me to move from my preferred aisle seat to a middle seat is always going to get you a solid no. If you want me to move to another aisle seat I likely will say sure, but really, why not pick your seats before getting to the airport. And also, don't give me attitude when I do say no. You will not make me feel bad because, just like your kids in the previous segment, I don't care about you or your feelings.
So there you have my five easy things to start doing to make yours, and everyone else's, travel experience better. You're welcome.