I've been pondering some things for a few months now and a recent story pushed me over the edge and I just had to share with all of you some thoughts on this mess.
It all started back this summer when Greg Norman and the criminal element running the principality of Saudi Arabia decided to invest hundreds of millions of dollars in starting a new golf tour and throw crazy money at current tour players to come and join them.
This kicked off the war of words, and lawsuits, between the new LIV Tour and the PGA Tour. It also started an unconnected string of stories relating to cheating and shenanigans in some of the most boring sports known to man. I'm not going to get into the whole mess here but you can file it under who cares.
Next up on the stupid story tree were these two jokers, Jacob Runyan and Chase Cominsky, who are professional fishermen. They were winning tournament after tournament all across Ohio, and other events in the Midwest, when it was accidently discovered that their fish had lead weights in their stomachs.
I'm not a fisherman but I'll say that is not normal and suddenly these two are sitting in a courtroom trying to explain how this happened and, oh by the way, where is all the prize money they won with their illegal fish?
Can you imagine, cheating in fishing? Well guess what? This isn't even the craziest story in borderline sports.
Say hello to 19 year old American Hans Niemann on the left and 32 year old Norwegian Magnus Carlsen on the right. You can tell by their pictures that they are, you guessed it, professional chess players. Who knew!
It seems that young Hans is something of a complete asshole and doesn't care who he insults or what he does. He's 19 so I'll say he might grow out of this phase. What he did do is accuse the current world champ, Magnus, of cheating, and not just cheating like someone relaying to him with hand signals what he should do next.
Oh no, this gets way better. He accused him of using wireless technology that was being transmitted to him through a sexual aid shoved up his rear end. I swear to god I'm not lying. Magnus was so enraged that he offered to strip naked in the lobby of the place they were holding the tournament to prove he had nothing shoved up his butt. Talk about a floor show.
The entire chess community is up in arms over this whole affair and who can blame them, I mean chess is brutal enough without adding a sexual twist to the matches.
So then this past week Japan scored a goal, seen here on the left, that was so controversial that you would have thought the Royal Family of Qatar hosting this FIFA World Cup actually banned beer. Oh Wait.
The fans of the Spanish team who lost to Japan on this goal immediately went on suicide watch and claimed that the ball didn't go completely across the goal line. FIFA says it did so that is that but the soccer world was having a meltdown for three days over this.
I'm not sure what bothers me more about these stories. Is it the fact that some of the most boring sports ever invented are ripe with cheaters? Is it that with all the crap happening in the world of politics, war, economy, etc., that somehow there was time for these crazy stories in sports, that are barely sports, to make the news?
What is next? Someone cheating at cross stitch? Professional painters let the primer dry before putting on the final coat? A darts tournament is won by a middle aged, overweight, man who drinks beer?
Honestly, isn't there anything left on this planet that isn't touched by controversy?