With all the crap going on in this country right now you would think that I could find something else to write about than this topic. Well, you would be wrong. Once again it is that time of the year when I am befuddled by the proliferation of pumpkin spiced nonsense on the market.
Margarita's, Spam, moonshine, hummus, Cup of Noodles, Pringles, Corn Flakes, Toothpaste for god's sakes, and of course the dumbest of them all, coffee. Coffee, where it all started.
This is not coffee.
This is coffee.
Good old American black coffee. Nothing with artificial flavor, just black coffee. It is all about the caffeine not the sugary flavors. I will never understand why people are obsessed with this seasonal junk. The amount of stories, personal updates, and ads for this abomination are staggering. Who knew that there were so many people out there so easily influenced by a one time mistake that would create a whole industry designed to put this flavor into literally anything they can find.
I will admit that I am not a fan of pumpkin pie but I understand the tradition of it for Thanksgiving which started in Betty Crocker's dining room in the 1950's. I am a big fan of spice cake however and when not on a diet I will make it as often as possible because Linda hates it and I don't have to share.
However, that is where I draw the line, pie is enough. Do we really need pumpkin spiced toothpaste? Disgusting. And as if SPAM isn't horrible enough, let's add pumpkin spice to it so that we ensure the maximum number of people vomiting after dinner. All I can think about is taking one sip of this devil designed coffee concoction and feeling my teeth rot out before the first sip hits my stomach.
With all the posts on social media about how excited everyone is for this time of year you would think that coffee shops are giving the shit away for free. By the way, if it was free I still wouldn't drink the junk.
Coffee is not meant to be drunken cold, with whipped cream, or some crazy spice flavor in it. It is meant to be drunk like God intended, hot and black just like my women.