Too Much?

I realized last night that I might be spending too much time in front of the TV. I know why I am, it's because it is too damn hot to be outside after 7:30 in the morning. Now I do have other things that interest me and certainly I could find the time in my retired world to do something else but right now this is who I've become.

What I also realized is that there is a bunch of crap on TV that really bugs me so I want to share just a few of them with you. Why should you care? You really shouldn't but it gets me away from the couch for fifteen minutes.

Commercials showing a family, by water, trying to skip stones makes me insane. First, and this really should be a no brainer for casting agents, the person skipping the stones should at least be able to look like he can throw one. Why do they always pick the most uncoordinated person to be the one tossing stones? Look at the picture on the right above. Al three dunked them from six feet away. Friends, it is not hard to throw a stone and make it skip and anyone that has tried it knows that the ocean is not the place to do it because there are waves you moron.

Another of my personal hates are commercials showing couples laying in bed reading, drinking coffee, or just lounging away the day. You know where I do those things? In a freaking hotel room because it is the only choice. If I'm at home I have plenty of comfortable couches and chairs to go sit in and do shit. Who does this stuff? And speaking of hotel rooms, I do not want my bathroom at home to feel like a spa. I want it to feel like I'm at home and there are no cooties on everything.

I have cable for my TV viewing pleasure. I don't understand why if it is raining in Stanford, CT my TV ends up looking like this. This is what satellite TV looks like, cable was supposed to eliminate this. Also, how does a show come back from a commercial and suddenly the voices and lips of the people on TV get out of sync so that it looks like an English dubbed Japanese movie. Do none of the television networks employ an engineer to make sure this stuff doesn't happen? It is maddening.

Here is Calvin with his wife Annie and their three future diabetic kids showing me why I should be doing business with them because they are just like me. Guess what Calvin? I would never call you because I don't care about your family I just want my goddamn air back on because it is 114 degrees and there isn't one inch of my overweight body not sweating right now. Save the family shot for your holiday cards you will be sending me with no discounts for having to watch your horrible commercials.

Nobody used to carry more shit in their purse than my wife believe me. She would routinely complain about how heavy it was as she unloaded fourteen pounds of various things. Happily she now rarely even brings a purse with her and I applaud her for turning the corner on this habit. However, based on the many commercials I see, there are a squadron of women who think it makes sense to carry around an entire package of sixty-five units of Always, or Imodium, or a thirty-two ounce bottle of MiraLAX just in case their friend needs some. Seriously?!?! This isn't real life, it's not even make believe. Stop making these commercials.

Finally, the commercial that makes me want to blow up the TV, Kars 4 Kids. There are so many evil things going on here I don't know where to start. First, the song is mind numbingly stupid. It literally makes me want to sue them. Second, the kids aren't even trying to look like they are really playing the instruments and why even have them doing this? It has nothing to do with the money they want to get from me. Third, who is wealthy enough to actually give their old car away for charity that is watching TV to even see the stinking commercial? NOBODY! Please burn this tape forever.

There are plenty of other things on TV that make me crazy but this has gotten my blood pressure up enough for a Sunday.