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  • Dan Marich

We Have a Pile Up in Aisle Three!



I recently started following @TracyOlson8 on twitter, mainly because I liked who she retweeted, and what she had to say. I find her followers interesting and quirky, and she shows compassion that is missing from twitter at almost every turn. I have no idea what she is really like, and we have never met, and this is not an endorsement, but if you go to check her out I'm sure you'll agree.


Anyway, this is not the point of today's column other than it was a twitter discussion with her that got me thinking about this topic.


I was surprised to learn that there are grocery stores in the Chicago area, and maybe other places too, that have turned aisles into one way lanes. I just cannot get my head around why this is suddenly necessary.



For around 100 years we have been able to grocery shop with two way aisles and not have any issues getting around, except for those people who feel it is perfectly acceptable to just leave their carts in the middle of an aisle and wander around the store, looking for the 6 ounce bottle of capers they are going to need in fourteen months.


If you really want to get your blood pressure going while shopping, be at the store when the senior center bus pulls up and twenty-five of our family and friends are unleashed in the store. I am an old person myself, and I just pull off to the side someplace safe, and wait for them to finish doing their shopping, and then resume mine, three hours later when they are done.



With the Covid-19 situation going on, it's nice to see some parents have figured out that they can sacrifice their children as they shop, since it is always possible to make another one as a replacement should anything tragic happen to them. Many spouses use the same plan themselves, with their loved one. Linda is always telling me I don't need to wear surgical gloves, and that it is perfectly OK to rub my eyes.


I've noticed, recently, that if you happen to have another shopper coming at you, while a stock person is blocking half the aisle putting up Cheetos, and there is not going to be enough room for you both, that they usually give you that big eye frantic stare, hoping that you won't veer their way and come within six feet of them. I usually give them a pump fake and then stop, but it is mainly to watch them not know what the hell they are going to do if I keep coming at them. Good times.


Clearly we are all getting a little bit nutty, while being held in isolation, and those occasional excursions to the store are, for many of us, the highlight of our week right now. I certainly don't want anyone to to get sick and die, well not anyone, there are a few I would be OK with, but is it really necessary for us to completely change the way we shop by putting in one way aisles?


We all know that when this is under control, and we are back to whatever the new normal is going to be, it will be back to the wild west once again in the store, as people are going to be fighting each other for the last package of bacon on sale.


HEY GRANDMA, MOVE YOUR DAMN CART!

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